Wednesday, October 14, 2015

O.N.E. Sweet Year | Eli Parker

Eli Parker

"It's a....boyyyy?!?" Those were the last words I expected to hear one year ago today but it turns out they've also been the sweetest words. I can't believe my little Eli is O-N-E. Everyone tells you to savor the moments because they fly by and that couldn't be more true in this stage of life. The days are long but the years are short. Truth. Especially in those early days/weeks when you are feeding, diapering, and trying to figure out how this tiny human works around the clock. Then you blink and they're one! Undoubtedly this journey into motherhood has been the richest year of my life thus far. I'm not going to sit here and say it's been a piece of cake and that I've made no mistakes because that's far from the truth, but honestly, it hasn't been as hard as I thought it was going to be. There were late nights, inconsolable crying, nap strikes, breastfeeding struggles, etc and at the time I might have felt confused/frustrated/at my wits end...but looking back I know I did the best I could at the time and that's all we as parents can expect of ourselves. People tell you that you don't know how much you'll love this little person until they're here. I would kind of roll my eyes (in my head of course) and think yeah yeah, I know I will love them more than anything in the world...which I do. So in no way am I surprised at how much my heart has exploded this year - I knew it was coming, I just know exactly how that feels now :) I know a lot of marriages struggle in that first year(s) of parenthood but Justin and I have thrived as mom and dad and wife and husband. Seeing Justin and Eli together melts my heart every.single.time. Eli adores Justin and I think the feeling is completely mutual. Last year on the way to the hospital I was pretty quiet in the car but I remember telling Justin that I changed my mind and I wasn't ready for it to not just be the two of us anymore. I know it was just the nerves talking but at that moment it became real that that car ride was the last time we'd ever be just "us" and that freaked me out. I've seen other people become parents and their worlds don't seem to really change. Sure they have kids to take care of now but they still do all the same things they did pre-kids and their priorities never really change, it's still all about them. It actually makes me sad for them to see how selfish they are because having Eli has made me realize just how much kids change your world for the better. He has softened my heart and it feels like it's grown a hundred times. He continuously makes me want to be a better person. I've always been affected by stories about kids/pets/sickness/etc. but now it's on a totally different level. I always think of these stories in terms of Eli and it weighs heavy on my heart. Sometimes I feel completely overwhelmed because I don't know how I will ever be okay "letting him go" in this dangerous world we live in but I take it one day at a time and everything seems a little easier. I love this little boy so fiercely and can't wait to see what this next year has in store for him!